Pictured: the atmosphere inside my house.
Things I would prefer to this week's heat wave:
- Having my toenails yanked off one at a time.
- Running face first into a tree.
- Stubbing any and all of my toes.
- Being forced to replay the final episode of The Walking Dead game on repeat.
- Being shot non-vitally.
Why would I prefer to be ravaged in these ways? Because, if done properly, all are over with pretty quickly, unlike Ottawa's recent heat wave which is supposed to last for another week.
I live on the top floor of a three storey house. The house is roughly a century old, if not more, and as a result it has nothing in the way of central air. Even with a standing fan at the foot of my bed and a portable air conditioner a metre and a half away I am currently dying.
I could turn this into some rant about global warming but to be perfectly honest I don't have the energy to write so much as a sentence on the subject. So instead I will say this:
Fuck this awful season. I can't wait for winter.